Adam Briggle’s son loves sports. He’s good at them, too; the 13-year-old just mastered his double backflip in gymnastics and earned his second-degree black belt in taekwondo.
The boy is also trans and
lives in Texas. To say the last few months have been stressful for the Briggle
family would be an understatement.
When it comes to the wave
of bills targeting transgender youth filed in more than 30 state
legislatures this year, Texas might be the boldest in its proposals.
More than 120 bills in different parts of the country would
directly affect trans youth by attempting to criminalize parents or doctors for
providing gender-affirming medical care, as well as by banning trans children
from competing in sports.
The proposed legislation goes against recommendation from the American Medical Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Psychiatric Association ― groups
that recognize the significant mental health harms from such laws. (As a demographic,
trans youth has suicide attempt rates as high as 40% ― though a recent Harvard
Medical School study showed that laws that work to limit transgender
discrimination result in a drastic decrease in suicidal thoughts and
plans.)
Among the most talked-about legislation are bills that seek to ban
transgender girls from competing on girls’ sports teams in public schools. Such measures have been enacted in Alabama,
Arkansas, Tennessee and Mississippi, and implemented in South Dakota by an executive order from Republican Gov. Kristi Noem.
In the Briggle’s home state of Texas, a similar bill drew
criticism from more than 1,000 employers across the state and the NCAA,
which threatened to cancel future sports championships in the state if it were
enacted.
Some bills threaten to define gender-affirming treatment and
medical care as child abuse. For instance, Texas’s SB1646, which gained initial passage from the state Senate, would
make it a crime for parents to allow their transgender kids to get
gender-affirming medical procedures.
“It’s hard not to talk
about some of this with our son and our daughter, who’s 8,” Briggle said. “My
wife, Amber, and I could go to jail and have our son taken away from us. This
has caused a great deal of stress and anxiety [in our home].”
They don’t just talk about the legislation at home, they take
action.
“Our family organized a
rally in front of the office of our state representative, who’s a co-sponsor of
one of the child abuse bills,” Adam Briggle said. “We got 150 people to come
out in support of trans rights. My daughter was on the front lines, standing up
for her brother. My son made a sign that said, ‘My parents are NOT child
abusers.’” Briggle’s daughter also wrote an email to their state
representatives.
As parents, Briggle said
he and his wife “try to shield our children from the emotional burden of the
situation but without dismissing its seriousness or invalidating their
worries.”
In these uncertain,
worrying times for trans kids, that’s the right balance to strike, said Alexis Bleich, a social worker and the
clinical director of Kip Therapy, a New York City therapy group
specializing in gender, sexual and racial identities.
“You don’t want to try to
hide what’s happening,” she told HuffPost. “You can make current events and
politics a topic of discussion in age-appropriate ways while not letting your
worries and fears for your child become their worries and fears.”
Once a trans child
recognizes they have an ally and support system in their parents, there are
other actionable steps parents can take to support and protect their children.
Here’s what therapists and parents like Briggle say they’re doing right now.
Remind kids
that they’re loved unconditionally and that you and many others are fighting
for their rights.
For Briggle and his
family, much of this last year has been spent reminding his son of a few core
truths: First, that he is loved unconditionally by his family, friends and
community; and second, that advocates and activists are doing all they can to
fight for kids like him.
“We remind him that many
allies are working hard to oppose these bills, and they’ve got your back, too,”
the dad said.
Briggle also reminds his
son that many marginalized people in American history have had to fight very
hard for their basic rights ― “even the right to exist.”
“I try to look at this as
an opportunity for us to gain both greater understanding of those struggles and
draw inspiration from people in the past,” he said. “As I tell my son, we have
to hope that the arc of the moral universe bends toward justice, but we also
have to realize that we have a responsibility to act.”
Identify and focus on things they do have control over.
One of the most effective
ways to bolster mental health for kids when they feel as if so much is out of
their control is to help them identify and focus on areas in their life where
they do possess some power, Bleich said.
“In my practice, we look
at micro, meso, and macro areas of control ―
think about self, family and friends, and the larger community ― to help
clients identify where they can have self-efficacy and agency,” the therapist
said.
For example, a teen might
choose to take a break from social media and the news so that their thoughts
and feelings aren’t saturated by unnerving, alarming information. Or an
elementary schooler who’s feeling alienated can ask their parent to arrange to
spend some time with friends, family or groups that make them feel safe and
supported, Bleich said.
Bleich also recommends
taking a Fred Rogers “look for the helpers” approach
to helping a trans child feel supported.
“We can look at the many
parents and legislators and public figures who are speaking out against these
laws, raising money to fight these laws in legislatures and in the courts,” she
said. “The ACLU in particular is doing amazing work on this, and watching some videos about the cases and people the
organization is championing can help provide some concrete examples of what
helpers are doing.”
Remind your
kids that this is less about them and more about politics.
Right now, it’s important
for your trans child or teen to know that there’s nothing dangerous or wrong
about being trans ― and that this current legislative battle is less about them
and more about ongoing cultural wars, said Jesse Kahn, the director and a sex therapist
at The Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in
New York City.
“Hearing about all of the
different ways trans people are under attack can naturally make them feel shame
or fear,” Kahn said. “You can approach this by helping them understand that the
anti-trans legislation is not based in facts about trans people, but rather
it’s being used as part of a tool in a political struggle for power.”
If kids ask, “Why is this
anyone’s business?” Kahn recommends saying, “Of course it’s not their
business.” Then ask kids to consider another question: What is someone gaining
out of making this their business?
“This takes the burden and
shame off of trans youth and places it back where it should be, onto those
pushing the anti-trans legislation,” he said.
Explain the push for this kind of legislation in age-appropriate
ways.
For younger kids, Bleich
recommends explaining the push for these anti-LGBTQ bills in the simplest way
possible. She recommends something like:
“When people are
faced with something that they don’t understand, they can become scared and
angry. Sometimes this is because not understanding something or noticing that
things around you are changing a lot can make people feel small and powerless.
And that feeling can make them want to lash out at other people or at what is
making them feel this way. It’s not fair and it’s not nice. What we can focus
on as a family is how we will keep you safe and how we can join the work of
keeping other kids safe too.”
Older kids may already
sense that some of these laws are being pushed forward because they give
politicians an edge with certain groups. That adds an extra level of difficulty
to these already challenging conversations, said Jessica, mother of a
16-year-old trans child in Colorado who chose to use her first name only for
privacy.
“What’s especially hurtful
to my child is that they understand that most of the lawmakers pushing these
laws don’t really care about these issues that much and that they are using
trans kids as a political tool.”
“It’s really devastating
to our whole family to think that the most vulnerable kids in our country are
being used as a political cudgel, and these legislators don’t care,” the mom
said.
To counter that hostility,
Jessica said she tries to give the teen lots of space and support. She also
reminds them that no matter what laws are passed, she and her husband’s
priority is getting affirming appropriate health care for the teen.
“I let my child know that
mom and dad will make sure that happens and that they never have to worry about
having to figure it out on their own,” she said.
Give your
kid a chance to just be a kid, too.
It’s important to keep a
close eye on your child’s moods and habits ― and even consider a mental health day off from school if
they need one ― and it’s equally important to maintain as much normality as
possible, Briggle said.
“I want to allow space for
my son to process but avoid him spiraling into doom and depression,” he said.
To that end, the family
has tried to lean into doing things they know the 13-year-old loves.
“There’s been lots of tacos
and ice cream,” he said. “Whatever you do for family time, be more intentional
about creating those fun spaces where our kids can just be kids.
Talk to them even when you’re not sure they’re listening.
April, a mom of an
11-year-old son who’s trans, lives in Texas. Right now, her son is afraid that
he’s not going to be able to go on testosterone at 16 like he had planned. The
family has also been saving for top surgery.
“Dysphoria is such a big
hurdle for us,” said April, who asked to use only her first name to protect her
family’s privacy. “We have to compromise on showers because some days he just
can’t manage to look at himself. I allow him to wear oversized clothing that
helps hide his body.”
She’s made a point to
check in with him even more than usual to see how he’s handling hearing about
these new proposals. The mom admits she doesn’t have all the answers all the
time, but she tries to find them. She casually checks in with her son even when
she’s not sure if it’s making a dent.
“Until recently I thought
he believed we were just talking, then he came to me and said thank you, just
out of the blue. When I asked what for, he told me for making sure he’s OK and
for caring about his emotions,” she said.
“I may not have all the
answers or do everything right, but I knew that day that I was at least on the
right track,” she added.
Remind them
that the majority of Americans oppose anti-transgender laws.
Emphasize to your kids
that Americans are coming around to trans rights: Two-thirds of Americans are
against this current wave of legislation restricting trans rights, according to a new PBS NewsHour/NPR/Marist poll. That
opposition includes majorities of every political ideology, from liberal to
conservative, and every age group.
According to the Human
Rights Campaign, 7 in 10 voters support the Equality Act, which would explicitly extend
the nondiscrimination protections enshrined in the Civil Rights Act of 1964 to
the LGBTQ community, ensuring that people are legally protected from being
discriminated against based on their sexual orientation and gender identity.
“As a parent, you need to
shift attention away from the few bullies and toward the bigger picture,”
Briggle said.
As the dad sees it, the
support for transgender rights grows as more and more people get to know
someone who is transgender.
“Support is strongest among younger generations,” he said. “Remind
your kids that these bills are the dying gasps of an old, exclusionary world
order.”
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